A letter to myself at 22
Dear Michelle Hiscock,
In the next decade, you will grow and push yourself radically, and I’m so proud of you.
That guy we met a week before our 22nd birthday? We’re going to marry him during a global pandemic in a backyard wedding attended by six people. This will be one of the best decisions of our life.
The way you feel now will not last forever. You’re still going to struggle for a while, not understanding that the tight, aching pain in your chest is actually a sign of anxiety. But I promise one day, it will stop, and you’ll start to forget that feeling completely because it’s gone.
It. Gets. Better.
Our fears will subside as we understand ourself and get medicated. There’s nothing wrong with us. Our brain simply works differently from others, and that’s okay. It’s brain chemistry and genetics. You will learn how to handle it. You are not alone.
I’m not going to tell you to stop seeking validation, because when have we ever listened to advice from ourselves? However, slowly but surely over the next decade, this need will disappear. You are not disappointing anyone. You are still loved despite your decisions.
We will grow out of friendships. Let it happen. I know it’s scary because we’ve struggled in this area our whole life. Making friends is hard, and keeping them is even harder. However, we are not defined by how many friends we have.
You will write a damn book. I’m serious! This book will help you heal during a difficult time in your life that you never saw coming.
There are times when work will be extremely important to you. Then you will hit a point when it is not important to you. Both views are okay. It will ebb and flow, just like anything in life.
The political landscape is going to change so drastically, you wouldn’t believe what’s coming, even if I told you. It’s going to drag on for the next decade. Our world views will be challenged on so many levels; however, our values will become crystal clear because of this.
Something you thought would never happen will happen. It’s equal parts heartbreaking and liberating. It will break a lifelong silence and help you find your voice. This will be identity-altering, but it will not break you because we put in the work in therapy.
Speaking of therapy … it will help you understand yourself in every facet possible. Push through, because the reward is worth it.
You will not stop reading romance. In fact, it will become all you read and be the driving force behind the first book you write. To the little girl who always craved love stories and happily-ever-afters … one day you’ll create them.
I love you, and I’m proud of you,
Michelle Ruoff, age 32
